I've been thinking about what to write in this blog for a long time now. I'm not really sure where to start...
We could start on August 19th at 4am when after 2hrs of sleep I jumped (as best I could) out of bed trying not to wake Neil and went to the nursery to see my baby. I was standing there just staring at him wishing I could hold and squeeze him (I didn't know if I was even aloud to touch him). The doctor came over to tell me about the low blood sugar and that they couldn't get an IV so they would have to put one in his umbilical cord, then she dropped the bomb, with that kind of IV they would have to send him to CHEO (The Childrens hospital) . Fighting back the tears I asked her if Neil or I could go with him in the ambulance and she said no, there would be no room. I blurted out "so he's going to be alone?" and the bitch (she was the only jerkface we encountered) answered back "well he's going to be with blah blah amount of people so he's not exactly going to be alone" followed by a little chuckle. The tears were crazy hard to fight back at this point. The nurse then came over and sent me to my room because I wasn't allowed to be there when they put the IV in and when it was all done they would come get me. I slowly walked back to my room...balling.
We'll cut to around 8am that morning. Neil and I were back in the nursery with the 2 lovely transport ladies from CHEO, discussing what was going to happen and where and when we could show up to see him. They were both super nice and gave me hugs because at this point I couldn't fight the tears. During this time my doctor came in to see how Tyler and I were doing and as soon as I saw her I blurted out that I was discharging myself! She put her arm around me and told me if that was what I really wanted she would do that but she said she would be more comfortable giving me a day pass and I could go back to the hospital to sleep and she would discharge me super early the next morning...we took her option
The lovely CHEO ladies put Tyler in an incubator on a stretcher and we watched them wheel Tyler down the hall and into an elevator.
The 19th was a bad day. We would get to see Tyler 5min here 10min there and would keep getting kicked out so they could put IV's in here and there, they put in a picu line that ran up his vein from his toe to his heart. They had to take tons of ex-rays to make sure everything was in place and redo the whole process when something wasn't quite right. I was asked, well, more like told 50 times that I must have diabetes...NO I DON'T!!! A nurse actually came to me at one point and said she'd seen my chart and knew that I didn't. By the end of the day he had the picu line, the umbilical cord IV and another IV. They also weren't feeding my poor little guy. We would then go through days of getting to hold him and days of not depending on his nurse.
We'll fast forward a week. Things were going well, we were optimistic that he was going to get to come home any day.
Then the worst day of my life to this point happened.
We made our way down the hall to Tyler's little area and when we got there Neil and I looked at each other, the monitor was turned off, they had a blanket over an incubator. I remember rubbing my chest and feeling like my world had come to an end...that moment lasted forever! The head nurse came rushing over and told us Tyler was sick and had been moved to isolation. I don't really remember what she told us on the walk over to his room. We had to put on the yellow gowns and they explained that they needed to shave his head because it was the only place they could get the IV in. I walked in the room and glanced over his crib and saw my poor little baby lying there
At this point we found out they had to do a lumbar puncture, and they figure he had sepsis from the picu line. The doctors came in and were telling us stuff, I honestly didn't hear a word they said. They asked if we had any questions and I kept looking at Neil in hopes he could read my mind so I wouldn't have to ask it. I couldn't get any words out...The doctor finally figured out my question and reassured us he wasn't going to die. I broke down.
After our meeting they asked us to leave for 10-15min so they could take his picu line out. I made my way back to our hotel where I broke down hysterically for hours.
I finally got the courage to go back up to see my little man. The nurse could see I was shaking and made me hold him. I broke down again whispering to him how sorry I was for bringing him into this world to go through all of this and how sorry I was I wasn't there for the lumbar puncture. I was overwhelmed with gilt.
All his tests came back negative and we heard rumblings from the nurses that they just let him get dehydrated.
The day he came home was another long waiting game. We made sure to be there for rounds since we heard a rumour he was going to be discharged. I forget his reason but the head doctor wasn't going to discharge him. I went off on a rant...the only thing I remember saying was asking for a second opinion. GO ME! I was so sick and tired of them picking and pocking him. on top of all the IV's (they would come out and they would have to redo them) he had his foot pricked every 3 hours for 2 weeks. The doctor looked in shock and not very impressed but he agreed to let him go home if everything went well that day.